“If… however, your feelings have changed…I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”
The first time I heard these words, I was sitting next to my wife in a theater watching the 2005 release of Pride and Prejudice. As Mr. Darcy spoke, I found myself totally focused on my wife; his words resonated with my love for her. Scenes from our life together flashed to the forefront of my mind; tears blurred the movie unfolding before me. “…I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you…”
There is something about the expression of unconditional love that captures us. People stop talking. Eyes stop blinking. Mouths stop chewing. It causes silence. Kids who can’t sit still start searching to find what has so consumed the attention of their parents. It happens in the coliseum as well as theaters. It happens in Scripture, too.
“Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the Lord do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me.” Ruth 1:16-17
If someone spoke these words to you, what would it do to your heart?
Would some sort of smile form deep inside? Would your thoughts loosen their grip on life for a moment? Would your eyes stop blinking? Would your mouth hang open?
Naomi heard these words from Ruth on the road home to Bethlehem. Her response to Ruth catches me by surprise.
“When (Naomi) saw that (Ruth) was determined to go with her, she said no more to her. So they both went until they came to Bethlehem.” Ruth 1:18-19
Unconditional love and commitment spilled out of Ruth before Naomi. It appears Naomi turned and resumed her journey to Bethlehem without a word. There was no “Thank you” or “I love you too.” The phrase “She said no more to to her” could also be translated, “She ceased to speak to her.”
The writer paints an abrupt end to conversation then shows us two women walking to Bethlehem in silence. Notice how the awkwardness grows.
And it came about when they had come to Bethlehem, that all the city was stirred because of them, and the women said, “Is this Naomi?” And she said to them, “Do not call me Naomi (pleasant); call me Mara (bitter), for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has witnessed against me and the Almighty has afflicted me?” Ruth 1:19-21
Naomi has received one of the most eloquent expressions of love ever spoken; yet she describes herself as “empty.” She seems numb to the presence of Ruth. How could that happen?
Perhaps it was the pain that Naomi had recently endured. Within the first three verses of chapter one, Naomi loses her home and her husband. Within ten years she loses her two sons. The loss of a loved one produces a numbness that can’t be explained only experienced. Perhaps Naomi was so numb, she wasn’t able to appreciate the warmth of Ruth’s love.
But perhaps there is more to Naomi’s numbness than her loss. Notice the writer makes certain we hear a particular truth about Naomi’s heart. Listen as Naomi describes herself.
“Do not call me Naomi (pleasant); call me Mara (bitter)…”
Naomi was so bitter, apparently at the Lord, that she wanted a new name, a whole new identity. “Call me Bitter!”
Perhaps Naomi’s bitterness toward the Lord was affecting her ability to appreciate and experience Ruth’s love.
Every time I read Naomi’s words, my hyperactive mind goes cartwheeling over to I John 2:9-11.
“The one who says he is in the light and yet hates his brother is in the darkness until now. The one who loves his brother abides in the light and there is no cause for stumbling in him. But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes.”
John is writing to believers about their intimacy with God. He shows us the effect of our hate on our hearts. When we despise a brother the result is spiritual blindness. Of course, the focus of I John 2:9-11 is our interaction with other people but I wonder the effect of embracing bitterness toward the Lord. Naomi went somewhere beyond experiencing bitterness toward God. She embraced it as her identity.
Surely we’ve all experienced bitterness, have you ever embraced it as your right or even your identity? I have. In the middle of a mess it seems such a reasonable response. Somehow it makes me feel powerful. In some measure, it enables me to move forward in spite of my wounds. I’ve coped with the wounds of life in this manner many times since childhood.
I can’t think of an instance where the immediate return of power and control weren’t outweighed by the loss of relationships and intimacy. I can’t think of an instance where it didn’t eventually cost me healing and vitality.
And…
I can’t tell you the freedom and joy I’ve found in bringing my bitterness to the Lord. “Lord! This bitterness leads me to a living death! Come and deliver me! Come and meet me in my brokenness again!”
May you know the relief of giving your bitterness to Christ your High Priest. May you know God’s freedom and joy in His generous measure. May you realize anew the love of Christ demonstrated for you at the Cross… a love that goes beyond comprehension.
